Why I'm F&@%ing Bored With Feminist Infighting

By Cate Sevilla

Every once and a while women and feminists like to kick things up a notch. Sometimes it's because of political issues, Hilary Clinton or an election - other times it's just  because they're bored or something. 

We love a lot of women who call themselves feminists. We also love a lot of women who don't call themselves feminists.

Like we've mentioned before, we can't really be bothered with labels, so whatever you call yourself - as long as you're kicking ass, making informed life decisions and doing what makes you happy, we're happy.

However, there are still a lot of women out there that want to tell you what is right and what is wrong about the sisterhood. With feminism. With women in general. With men. With your sex life. Even your body.

They want to tell you what is and isn't a feminist wedding.

They want to tell you why it is or isn't OK to wear make-up.

They also want to tell you, as a woman of the feminist persuasion, what you should and shouldn't be reading.

For the record, if you want to get married in a big white dress, take your husbands name and get engaged on the top of the Eiffel Tower - kudos to you.

Alternatively, if you want to get married in Vegas wearing Converse All Stars with a 4 month old baby living inside you - kudos to you, as well.

Who the fuck cares?

And really, I can't believe we're still arguing about MAKE-UP! WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK if your fellow woman wants to slap on some lip gloss. For the love of god, you MUST have other things to be worrying about??

 The new Double X website, which is a spin-off of Slate's XX Factor blog, took it upon themselves to let us all know what the "trouble with Jezebel" is.

I have my own issues with Jezebel, and while A YEAR AGO I was bothered with the whole Tracy/Moe/Drinking And Thinking scandal - well, it was a year ago. Both my opinions and Jezebel have changed since then.

Do I think Jezebel is 100% great for women? Not really. But that's not really my call. To each their own.

Linda Hirshman thinks that Jezebel is "hurting women", and while it's completely her prerogative to explain in hundreds and thousands of words why this is so, it does seem a bit unnecessary.

Jezebel have, of course, ripped her article to shreds and have written their own response.

I'm sure Hirshman's post had valid points, just as Jezebel's post probably does, but I can't be bothered to read through both of their articles. I've tried to properly read them, and it exhausts me.

With any organization or party, internal debate is absolutley necessary. But it seems that with this supposed "feminism", we're criticizing and tearing each other down more often than not.

If Double X and Jezebel want to tell each other why they're bad for feminism, great.

If The Guardian and Julie Bindell want to debate about lip gloss, then go ahead.

If, again, The Guardian and Jessica Valenti want to explore what a *cough* feminist wedding looks like, glory be.

But while you're all debating antique issues and wasting time writing bitter diatribes about why YOU, no YOU! are hurting the sisterhood...we'll be at the bar.

We'll be teching out.

We'll be in the kitchen, having a Tasty Quickie or Fucking The Diet.

We'll be chasing Geek guys all over town.

We'll be doing, essentially, whatever we want.

When you're done, feel free to join us anytime you like.

Image of Breaking Up the Bluestocking Club via A World To Win

 

POSTED IN: NEWS
Wed, 13 May 2009 09:29 (GMT+00)
11 Responses
1.

Spot on! x

Frankie - Swell Vintage
Wed, 13-May-2009 09:40 GMT
2.

Agreed 100000% had the fight at Uni that I couldn't be TA'ing Women's Studies classes while wearing makeup and a cute (but cleavage revealing dress)... grow up. I define me and like women who define themselves... how ever they like.

Jamie Klingler
Wed, 13-May-2009 09:42 GMT
3.

A+

I agree so much with this at the moment. I like Jessica Valenti but this feminist wedding thing has set off a whole load of infighting which has irritated me. There was a discussion on The F Word about it and the comments section ended up being full of a whole host of assumptions and judgements which, as a married feminist, pissed me off.

I think there are more important things for feminists to be focusing on, to be honest.

Hannah
Wed, 13-May-2009 09:50 GMT
4.

YES!

A little perspective goes a looooong way. In the fight to be the 'best' feminist, all they're doing is bringing the whole notion down with them. We could be rallying behind the term to ensure equal opportunities and pay, and instead we're watching a bitchfight (is that an anti-feminist term? Do I care?) of the most ridiculous proportions.

Well said, Cate.

Alex
Wed, 13-May-2009 11:22 GMT
5.

Agreed. The worst part is that all the fighting just makes all feminists look bad, how great are we if all we can do is bicker over what to wear and how to have a wedding? It's detrimental to feminism as a whole as well as being bloody annoying.

Jaime
Wed, 13-May-2009 16:08 GMT
6.

Yes, yes and fucking YES. Spectacularly said, as always.

rosina rubylips
Thu, 14-May-2009 05:25 GMT
7.

Couldn't agree more Cate. However, I have to say my own recent decision to get married in (very) a light green dress caused some consternation amongst my Brit evangelical christian friends. So in some circles Ms Valenti's decisions about her wedding might be considered radical. I can imagine some reading The Guardian may not have even considered her ideas before!
What was funny was that most of my friends saw my pix afterwards and said 'Oh it's great to see you got married in white.' I explained the green didn't show up much in the photos.

lindajoy
Thu, 14-May-2009 11:40 GMT
8.

I totally agree that infighting makes us all look bad and that all women should have the freedom to wear lip gloss or get married or get a job in tech, or be a full-time mother without us all judging each other all the damn time.

That being said, I don't think it's a worthless exercise to have serious, respectful, intelligent debates over issues like the beauty industry and how it conspires in making women feel bad so they will spend money they don't have on products that make them feel terrible (the cellulite cream industry is worth millions - wouldn't it be cheaper if we could all say "fuck it" instead?) Or to look at the patriarchal heritage of marriage and consider whether it feels right for us. Or to say I preferred Obama to Clinton because his record on the War and women's rights is more in line with my beliefs.

Yes, living a feminist life is a great thing, and it's fun to eat and geek out and see friends and just be a proud woman in everything we do... But women with passion are a force to be reckoned with and it seems a shame if we aren't trying to be agents for change - protesting female circumcision or raising or awareness of domestic abuse, or whatever issue is important to us.

Debate, especially in the context of feminism in what I believe (and what statistics show) to still be a largely male-dominated society is never a bad thing.

HOWEVER, respectful and intelligent are the key words. Let's change the world for women, let's talk about what it means to be a woman, let's let go of jealousy and judgement and wanting everyone to be the same and try to understand each other - *without* stomping all over each other!

Diane
Thu, 14-May-2009 11:50 GMT
9.

Me and my lip-glossed lips could kiss you for this.

Natalie
Thu, 14-May-2009 12:44 GMT
10.

I get so frustrated with women attacking women -- it's just another case of the powerless turning on the powerless. Let's get together, admit we have a WIDE range of opinions and tastes, and go after the structures of power that keep so many from getting on board.

And let's stop bashing other women! Diane is right, "respectful and intelligent are the key words!"

K. A. Laity
Thu, 14-May-2009 15:28 GMT
11.

Damn look what I missed the week I decided not to pay attention to blogs.

^5 Cate, you rule!

*runs off to chase Bre Pettis all over cyberspace*

(Thx for the article link. <3)

Kate
Fri, 15-May-2009 21:38 GMT

Add Comment

Note: Your email address will be verified but will never be published on the site.

If you are a registered user, please Sign In.




The opinions expressed by the author and commenters are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BitchBuzz or any employer or organisation. The aforementioned are not responsible for the accuracy of content published.

social feed

@BitchBuzz: Game Over For Hollywood's Playroom Projects - from @bookishbrunette on BitchBuzz Culture http://t.co/QlA94JHB
08 Feb @ 18:17 GMT

search



buzz we love

Bitchin' Lifestyle
Vikki Chowney
Bangs and a Bun
Vintage Patisserie
Pop Justice
The Other Woman
Pamflet
Gala Darling
Red Velvet
Shape What's to Come
Bird's Eye View
Gala Darling
Bake & Destroy
Kris Atomic
Mark Johns
Garfunkel & Oates
India Knight
Kate Nash
Erin Gibson
Sarah Lacy
Vegansaurus
The Boss of You
Meantime Brewery
Make and Do with Perri