By K. A. Laity
Here's a study in contrasts: As our own Rebecca Thomson reported, there was a brouhaha about laddish mag Zoo's agony aunt/actor/footballer-wannabe Danny Dyer's 'advice' to a reader, advising him to cut his ex's face so no one else will want to date her.
After the Twitter flurry, the mag posted a corporate 'apology':
"Due to an extremely regrettable production error, an inappropriate and indefensible response to a letter has appeared in this week's issue.
"ZOO editor, Tom Etherington, apologises unreservedly for any offence the response may have caused and has launched an internal enquiry to ensure lessons are learnt."
Zoo and Danny Dyer condemn any violence against women. A donation will be made to Women's Aid.
Production error, eh? Yeah, no one really believes that, but that's their story and they're sticking to it. A little grudging admission or error and token donation and DONE. You can almost hearing them washing their hands of this little annoyance.
In far less offensive news, talk show host and sometime comedian Ellen Degeneres made a spoof of the iPhone commercial. In it she made fun of the small keyboard and plethora of icons and buttons, and not incidentally, her own gawkiness with technology.
Apparently the folks at Apple didn't appreciate it. Degeneres was immediately apologetic that she had made it look as if the iPhone might be "difficult" to use, and said both she and Portia [de Rossi, her partner] had and loved their iPhones – as well as her iPad and iPod.
Am I wrong to see this as a rather gendered situation?
Sure, Degeneres has made a career out being a really nice person and Dyer by being a twat—and who knows? Maybe Ellen clubs baby seals in a secret Cheney-esque compound while Dyer secretly makes high tea every Sunday for both his grans while massaging their feet. But I think a big part of this difference is still the tendency for women to be socialized into being too nice, of wanting (and in too many cases, needing) to be liked.
It's the reason we don't push ourselves forward. Too often it's the rationale for why we don't critize others. It's also the reason that men feel free to tell us to smile if we are frowning. A psychological study done a few years back found that those gender expectations were a huge factor:
”The researchers also found that the largest sex differences in smiling occurred when men and women thought they were being observed. They smiled more similarly when they thought no one was looking.
"The logic here is when people know their behavior is being monitored, they more closely adhere to the norms for appropriate behavior for their gender," [Dr. Marianne] LaFrance said. "People are at their gendered best when people are looking."
Maybe we need to replace the hoary old inspirational quote about dancing as if no were watching with "Frown even when there's a man around."
And quit apologizing for everything, too! I don't remember any one apologizing for all the irresistible iPad spoofs. Lighten up, Jobs. I'm pretty sure Ellen has no plans to bring you to your knees (you're not her type anyway).
Image via the Ellen Degeneres Show